Good morning all! Itâs been a few weeks since we last spoke, and although I could invent some excuse as to having been really busy or not well, the truth is I have just been prioritising some other things over the last weeks, including celebrating my beautiful girlfriendâs birthday by diving on the Costa Brava, as well as having friends stay with us. Anything I would have created in this time would have felt rushed, pushed out to meet a deadline of my own creation, and not respectful of your time as a reader.
But this weekend weâre back in business, with an interesting topic to talk about that I was first introduced to by Ryan Holiday of all people. He calls it the âDress Suit Bribeâ, a concept taken from the works of Upton Sinclair, and weâll be getting into exactly what itâs all about, and the dangerous effects that it can have on the direction of your life.
Letâs jump in! đđŒ
Youâd Never Take a BribeâŠ.Would You?
Imagine this:
Youâve just closed the financial year, beaten all the records and youâre on Cloud 9. You get called in to the boardroom, and told that youâre being promoted to a more senior position. A fantastic result you think, all that hard work paid off.
This is essentially the idea behind the Dress Suit Bribe.
You probably missed it in the example. And you wouldnât be alone.
You see, a Dress Suit Bribe is a term used to refer to an offer or promotion, something that you are given with seemingly nothing requested in return. It seems that the risk is asymmetrical, that there is no downside for you.
Promotions in particular are a clear example of this. You accept a better paid position, your career advances, you are more successful, more respected. Your worth is recognised.
But what does it cost you?
Does the promotion come with greater responsibility? Greater stress? More overseas travel, less family time, a destabilistation of a work-life balance that you have worked hard to develop and protect?
The reason why the Dress Suit Bribe is so successful/dangerous is that the recipient doesnât even realise that a bribe has taken place.
When we receive a gift, an invitation, although it may seem that there are no strings attached, this is rarely the case. When you are invited to a nice business lunch, this is the bribe, hidden in soft lighting, ambient music and expensive glasses of red wine.
A small taste of the possibilities.
What effort do you then put in, how much time passes until this becomes your new standard? What is extracted from you as you chase this next level? What sacrifices do you make?
You move up the ladder, you ascend the rungs of class, you associate with people who live and spend and dress in a certain way. You want to be like them, to fit in. Itâs lifestyle inflation exemplified, tying you to the hedonic treadmill. You only wanted to walk on it for a little bit, yet now you find yourself signed up to a marathon with no way of getting off.
Our often benign actions and decisions set us on the road towards commitments that we never signed up for at the beginning.
Our acceptance of offers and gifts come with hidden expectations on both our time and focus, that all too often only become apparent when we are too far involved.
The devastating power of the Dress Suit Bribe is that we donât even realise itâs happened. Only much later, when we begin to question the lack of meaning in what we do, can we pinpoint where our life diverted down some back lane that took us to a highway going in completely the opposite direction.
Avoiding the Trap
Obviously, we want to avoid finding ourselves in these positions, when too much time has passed heading in the wrong direction. We want to avoid crossing over bridges into places that we never intended to go.
We have to learn to see the bridges before we get to them. We have to look under the bonnet of the second-hand car, rather than simply paying attention to the gleaming paintwork. To peek under the surface of what seems like an apparently good deal.
We can start by having clearly set priorities in our life, values and morals that we wonât compromise on.
Cal Newport talks about fixing the lifestyle that you want, and working backwards from there. Creating a clear destination in terms of a lifestyle means that you can use this as the metric to help you make decisions when attractive offers appear in front of you.
Does this actually take you closer to where you want to go? Or is this simply going to distract you, to take you further from what your overarching goal is?
Some helpful things that we can keep present in our minds, to ensure we donât fall for bribes in the future:
Define Your Priorities: Take a step back and evaluate what genuinely holds value for you. Is it the monetary gain, the societal status, or the alignment with your core values? Clarity on your priorities can shield you from superficial temptations.
Peek Behind the Curtain: Before accepting any enchanting offer, dedicate time to research and gain a comprehensive understanding of what's being presented. Seek insights into the long-term implications and potential trade-offs.
Weight of Compromises: Assess the concealed costs intertwined with the offer. What facets of your life are you surrendering â quality time with loved ones, mental well-being, personal values? Weigh these against the immediate benefits.
Align with Your Values: Reflect on whether the opportunity resonates with your fundamental values. Will it allow you to maintain your integrity, or is it a path that steers you away from your authentic self?
Consult Trusted Advisors: Seek guidance from mentors, confidants, or professionals who have your best interests at heart. They can provide an unbiased perspective and help you discern beyond the allure.
Focus on being fully conscious of what we are being offered, whether itâs an investment opportunity or a promotion or a relocation or a dinner invitation.
Remember, you donât have to accept.
Be True to Yourself
Nassim Taleb has a beautiful quote on wealth, which is âYou are rich if, and only if, the money you refuse tastes better than the money you acceptâ.
When you have taken something that you know you shouldnât have, or that conflicted with your values or you interests, you feel guilty.
It leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
Real wealth comes from being true to yourself. From chasing your originality, from being unapologetically you.
Because if they pay you, they get to tell you what to do.
Money is the cheapest thing, while liberty and freedom the most expensive.
Make sure you have your priorities aligned.
See you in the next one!
Felix